Key takeaways
- When talking with your teen about pornography, raise three key points: that it can make sexual violence and degradation seem normal, that it can change what someone finds arousing, and what your wishes are, knowing you can’t really enforce them.
- Much of today’s pornography depicts sex that is rough, non-consensual, and exploitative, and research finds that watching violent sexual content can reduce concern for victims of sexual assault.
- Research links heavy pornography consumption to reduced arousal in real-life interactions, so the immediate rush of watching porn can exact a long-term cost.
- There’s no fool-proof way to keep teens from seeing pornography, but parents can speak directly to the side of adolescents that cares about how people are treated and wants their romantic relationships to be healthy.
Recent headlines detailing allegations of appalling sexual misconduct have prompted many of us to talk with our teens about consent, the dangers of groupthink, and bystanders’ responsibility to act. We might also take this moment to address the fact that today’s widely available pornography—which many teens have stumbled upon or sought out—can also contribute to violent, degrading sexual behavior.
That’s exactly what Dr. Tori Cordiano and I covered on last week’s episode of the Ask Lisa podcast, “How Pornographic Content Harms Sexual Development,” responding to a parent’s letter about her 15-year-old son who won’t stop watching porn. Be sure to watch the episode on YouTube or listen to it wherever you get your podcasts.
What should parents tell teens about pornography?
If you engage this topic with your teen, here are three key points to raise.
1. That pornography can make sexual violence and degradation seem normal
Much of today’s pornography depicts sex that is rough, non-consensual, and exploitative. Research finds that watching violent sexual content can reduce concern for victims of sexual assault and increase acceptance of degrading depictions of women.
To address this, we might say, “Most pornographic content shows people being pressured, hurt, or degraded, and watching it can make that seem somehow normal, which it definitely isn’t. Healthy relationships, whether physical or not, are always built on warmth, affection, and mutual respect.”
2. That pornography can change what someone finds arousing
By design, pornography is intensely stimulating—so much so that it can render ordinary, healthy intimacy no longer exciting. Indeed, research links heavy pornography consumption to reduced arousal in real-life interactions. We need to help adolescents understand that the immediate rush of watching porn can exact a long-term cost.
“I get it that porn is very titillating,” we might say, “and that’s exactly how it’s made to be. But watching a lot of it can make healthy intimacy seem uninteresting and undermine the kind of love life you want for yourself and that I want for you.”
3. What your wishes are, knowing you can’t really enforce them
There’s no fool-proof way to keep teens from seeing pornography, especially when they’re not at home. But we can rely on the fact that adolescents have two sides: one that might be curious about porn and drawn to it, and another that cares about how people are treated and wants their romantic relationships to be healthy. We can speak directly to that second side.
Consider saying: “I know I can’t control everything you see, and I understand why this stuff can be tempting. But I’d prefer that you not watch it. I know there’s a big part of you that is bothered by anyone being degraded and hopes for the kind of relationships that porn can get in the way of. I’m counting on that part to look out for the whole of you.”
Frequently asked questions
How do I talk to my teenager about pornography?
Dr. Damour suggests raising three key points: that pornography can make sexual violence and degradation seem normal, that it can change what someone finds arousing, and what your wishes are, knowing you can’t really enforce them.
How can pornography affect teenagers?
Much of today’s pornography depicts sex that is rough, non-consensual, and exploitative, and watching violent sexual content can reduce concern for victims of sexual assault. Research also links heavy pornography consumption to reduced arousal in real-life interactions.
Can parents stop teens from watching porn?
There’s no fool-proof way to keep teens from seeing pornography, especially when they’re not at home. But parents can speak directly to the side of adolescents that cares about how people are treated and wants their romantic relationships to be healthy.
What should I say if my teen is watching porn?
Dr. Damour suggests saying something like: “I know I can’t control everything you see, and I understand why this stuff can be tempting. But I’d prefer that you not watch it.”
This piece was originally published in Dr. Lisa Damour’s newsletter in October 2026.
